I would start this blog by saying I can’t believe it’s been a whole year, but I ~can~ believe it’s been a whole year since I launched @feedmerecovery!
Starting this blog and my instagram had always been something I’d wanted to do, but I didn’t get around to it until August 15th, 2017. I just kind of decided that I was gonna *go for it.*
I started seeing an amazing dietitian last summer named Jessi Haggerty. If you’re in the Boston area, or if you’re into the virtual counseling stuff, definitely check her out.
I called Jessi for an appointment because I was stressed about my weight, at least that’s how I framed it to her. The reality was that after years of ups and downs in recovery, my body was still doing some funky things and I didn’t feel in touch with it.
Seeing Jessi changed all of that.
I really opened up this instagram and blog as a way to document my own journey as a recovered professional and help build a community of people who are sick of dieting and sick of disordered eating and just plain SICK of feeling out of touch with their bodies.
I’ve been lucky in my own recovery to work with a lot of amazing professionals at all levels of care, and starting this platform has made me even more excited to continue my work to help others make peace with their bodies.
Here are some cool things I’ve done in the last year:
- Grad school! Lots of it. Lots of papers, lots of learning, lots of reading. Catch me walking across that stage in May 2019!
- Got engaged!
- Learned my weight and didn’t have much of a reaction.
- Continued my own work in therapy and learned a LOT about parts of myself I didn’t even know existed!
- Grew as a therapist
- Grew as a partner (lots of communicating and failing and trying again)
- Grieved the loss of a friend
- Fell in love with the ocean
- Started playing music again
- Also fell in love with face masks?
I think if there’s one big thing I’ve learned doing this for the last year it’s that flexibility is the key to sanity. For people who are rigid and Type (capital) A, flexibility sounds like the most terrifying thing in the whole world.
When I first started grad school, I realized that one of my own biggest faults was that I was way too rigid about a lot of things. I think when people stop being rigid in their diets or in their exercise, it can creep into other aspects of life.
I first started this blog and would write a post every few days. At this point, every few weeks is a success. With grad school, work, planning a wedding, and doing pre-internship things, life is busy. At a point I got all upset because I wasn’t giving this blog as much attention as I’d like to, but then I remembered, I’m doing the best I can.
It can be hard to ~go with the flow~ especially when that’s not your go-to thing, but learning to do this for me has kept me way more sane. Things don’t usually go according to plan, and instead of freaking out about what to do when things don’t go as plan, now I try to remember that shit happens. My job is to the best I can with the best I’ve got.
I always receive questions about how to really own recovery and how to really rock being in therapy and growth and all that jazz, and getting that question is always tough. I wish there were some amazing tip I could give people about therapy or recovery or just life in general, but the truth is that you have to want to live a full life.
No one can make you recover from your ED, no one can make you go to therapy and work on yourself (they can make you go, I guess, but they can’t make you do the work). My point is that you have to commit wholeheartedly to the tough stuff if you want to walk out on the other side.
There’s a Ben Rector song where he sings “I’ve walked in to harder times and I’ve walked out the other side,” and I think that’s a really great lyric. It makes me think about all of the people who walk into the dark abyss of early recovery, not knowing at all what they’ll find and how they’ll do it.
But then it makes me think about how 6 years ago, if you told me I would be a therapist working with people with eating disorders and rocking my own recovery, I wouldn’t have believed you.
I think this is walking out the other side.